2 weeks ago, I started a post about how much better I had been feeling since I last wrote.
By God’s grace, I was keeping up with the house and meal planning and grocery shopping. I’d even figured out more efficient methods of doing those things than ever before, & I happily declared I would continue to use my new methods even when sickness is no longer part of my daily life.
The girls were enjoying bringing their sleeping bags onto the floor into my room in the afternoons while I napped. (They both have the gift of no longer needing naps after the age of 2 and a half, so they have “quiet time”.)
I could see their little relationship growing as they had to entertain each other more as I rested. They were so content to play, and help Mommy, and were finding fun in taking care of me.
Bron has been making dinner once or twice a week and discovered he is really good at making grain-free pizza crust! Ask him for the recipe sometime:)
I had made it to church 2 weeks in a row, and I didn’t feel destroyed with exhaustion for the rest of the day.
All these sweet things where God was bringing good out of trial. All the verses about God working all things together for good were on my heart, and I was thanking Him for using this trial for good in my life.
I’ve been feeling so sick again.
Fatigue and dizziness and nausea and migraines constantly. Joint pain. Anxiety and Insomnia.
Meal planning/housework? Girls pleasantly entertaining each other while I rest?? Not so much.
It seemed as if all the skills God was helping to build up in me, in dealing with sickness while caring for a family, were falling through my fingers! The crumbs on the floor I couldn’t get to, and the handprints on the windows growing in number each day; the puddles on the floor from potty training gone-wrong;[ (The last of which I had to clean up right away of course! the others would have to wait.)
But no, of course, this is where God wants me.
Leaning on Him each day, trusting Him for what it will bring, trusting Him for how much strength I’ll have, and to give wisdom for what to do and what to let go.
As I look back on last week as I start another, there was sweetness in the midst of the difficulty:
A friend from out of town is home for a couple weeks and we enjoyed a nice long visit. And time with her made me truly forget about how I was feeling.
Though I wasn’t able to be out in the warm weather all day blowing bubbles with my girls, (or reading in the sun while they played!) I was able to pop out for 15 minutes or so at a time.
And Bron has continued to shine as our dinner chef.
I was listening to an old Sovereign Grace album on the drive home from PreK. I was feeling discouraged and tired, and this song brought tears of joy to my eyes and fresh meaning to my situation: :https://sovereigngracemusic.bandcamp.com/track/before-the-cross
“My Savior’s sacrifice paid for all my sin,
So in my suffering, I look to the cross again.
No need, no want, no trial, no pain can compare to this:
The wrath of God, once meant for me was all spent on Him.”
The amazing truth of the Gospel brings beauty to all areas of my life, but most especially trials. No trial can compare to the fact that God has taken the pain of my sin upon Himself!! He loved me and gave Himself for Me!!
“In my darkest hour, [His] presence is my peace.
In my days of joy, [His] grace carries me. ”
“[His] finished work captures my gaze.”
& brings beauty, and peace and even joy, to my current situation. Thank you Jesus!