I kissed my husband goodbye. We had driven separately this time.
I would stay at the midwife’s office and he would go and pick up our youngest from a friend’s house, and our oldest from Kindergarten. Our two little girls. They are ages six and four.
It was cold and windy out, but I was all warm and cozy inside. We just found out that those two girls of ours would have a :little brother: this Spring!
My husband, who had just kissed my cheek like most every day before, this time next year would have a son to wrestle with and throw in the air. He does those things with our girls, and will continue to. But there’s no denying- there’s something about a little boy.
Honestly, I expected another girl. Also I don’t really like change, hehe. With three friends of mine who have all girls, I just thought we would be that way too.
As he looked at the black screen expectantly, I felt a little sorry for him, thinking he’d be a little disappointed when the tech revealed that which I thought was inevitable! Haha. Nope. Emmy and Sadie had been teasing their Daddy for weeks that we’re having a baby sister, and he teased back that they were wrong.
He was right. 🙂
With more than a 4 year gap between our second and third child, we are super excited about this pregnancy. And a boy is just an extra special blessing after a couple years of wondering if we would add a third.
And God has a boy for us! Still pinching myself.
After our ultrasound, I had my normal 20 week appointment, which my husband didn’t need to stay for. I smiled-out-loud as I texted a bunch of friends the news and waited in the waiting room. I was trying to soak up the joy and giggles and happy thoughts of friends,
and trying not to think about what would happen soon-
getting on that dreaded scale!
Some women aren’t bothered at all by knowing the number on the scale, especially during pregnancy. But unfortunately, I was quite used to that thing trying to steal my joy! And I was fighting to not let it get in the way of my thoughts.
My bathroom scale had broken a few weeks before, and I decided not to replace it. It has done more harm then good in my life. And the number on it would only be going up, I knew it would be a temptation to me.
I knew I’d been eating clean and exercising, and whatever weight I had gained since my last check up would be a healthy number. But even if I hadn’t been able to! , this baby needs his Mama to gain weight so that he can be given the nourishment he needs to grow healthy and strong. Mustering up the courage, I relaxed as I stepped on the scale.
“Good weight gain.” , said the sweet midwife with the sweet Mennonite head covering.
And then she asked me all the normal questions, and we talked about how we were having our first boy. But I admit I had become a bit distracted, feeling shallow and silly, as I did the math in my head,
“Okay, ten pounds so far..an average of a half a pound a week- not bad!
They say it’s fine to gain a pound a week for the whole 40 weeks!
I’ve gained less than that.
But the number on the scale was still higher than what I would have been at this point with my last pregnancy. “But I had been doing Crossfit for the past two years and muscle weighs more than fat.”, I reminded myself (trying not to think of all that hard work going to waste these past few month).
But the number one the scale with my :first: pregnancy was :even lower: at this point, and I lost the postpartum weight so much faster the first time around. “But I was like 22 then, I’ll be thirty this time! !”
:thoughts spiraling until :
“I’ll never be able to lose the weight this time.! ”
How quickly my joy was swallowed up by my own selfish thoughts about my weight!
Thankfully that familiar feeling faded as we shared the happy news with friends and family. My husband loves my body; he has known it at all different sizes shapes and numbers. And I wasn’t hating it so much before I got on the scale!
But how quickly I can stumble and struggle with what the world calls beautiful.
The picture above is me this past weekend, a couple days after learning the happy news. I had got a pretty new dress to embrace my belly (when I would prefer to hide it) and celebrate my baby boy.
I was doing a craft show selling earrings from my new Etsy shop , and was excited for the opportunity.
But soon that joy was almost lost, when someone I hadn’t seen for the past 20 weeks made a negative comment about my size.
In conclusion, my decision to not replace my bathroom scale was a good one. ;}
I think next time I might just not look when they take my weight. 🙂
But more helpful than those reminders—
God designed it that women gain weight during pregnancy, and with hormones as we age. God designed it that a pregnant woman glows, and everyone knows a pregnant woman is beautiful even as her weight goes up. It is much harder for the pregnant lady to see that, and our hormones are crazy, hehe, so please be kind.
More important to remember and embrace, is that physical beauty is fleeting.
I know I have friends who’ve struggled with infant loss and infertility, who would gladly gain a hundred pounds if it meant they could hold their child. They know what holds more value in the life.
God designed it that as outer beauty fades, inner beauty grows and grows.
And that’s the kind of beauty I want to have. The kind of beauty I want to show and tell my girls – and son- about.
The kind the Bible calls in IMPERISHABLE.
So ladies, let’s encourage each other when we start to spiral about our bodies changing and when we’re discouraged in the fight to obtain wordly perfection!
Let’s eat well to feel well, and exercise for fun, so that we can better do our daily tasks with energy and health and joy. But most of all, let’s seek the beauty that never fades “which in God’s sight is very precious.”
(1 Peter 3:4)